15 2 / 2012
Wildcard Wednesday: I’m a Weird Mom
Guest Written by Jennifer Prinzing
Hi, my name is Jenn, I’m a reader of The Poopsie Collective, and I have a confession: I’m a weird mom.
Sure, on the outside I certainly seem like a normal mama of 1-year old Mia, but up in my brain I register about an 87 on the oddball scale. I’ve recently started thinking that the things that run through my head on a daily basis are uncommon to say the least. Or are they? Intrigued? Well, take a peek…(and here’s hoping that my weirdo realizations and passing thoughts as a mom aren’t quite as bizarre as I think. I mean, it can’t just be me, right?)
- No one could have prepared me (or is it that no one did prepare me) for how many of Mia’s boogers I would wipe on my own pants.
- I hate when I have to poop during Mia’s naps. It feels like such a waste of my free time.
- Mia loves this crappy board book filled with babies doing mundane things (touching their shoulders, smelling a flower). It is so boring to read and the photos are ultra cheesy. But then I realized: this is basically her version of US Weekly.
- Has my baby completely wrecked my brain, or is Kathie Lee Gifford starting to make sense?
- A plane ride is like Spring Break for babies. Mia gets unlimited access to all her vices (boobs, pacifiers, puffs), she gets to try adventurous new snacks and, most exciting of all, she gets typically forbidden things—like my iPod touch and cartoons. Like a sorority girl boozing with Malibu, she is drunk with power. Babies Gone Wild, indeed.
- Whenever I hold Mia up to a mirror, I feel like my face is super weird. Next to her, my head is giant and oddly long, my skintone is uneven, red & shiny, my pores and teeth are huge. And there’s no getting away—baby toys almost always have mirrors.
Like mother like daughter? We shall see…
- Getting my period back post-preggo was stupid. I mean, how much practice do we really need moving that egg down?! Certainly not every month for years and years.
- Could I be the only person whose farts have started to smell like her baby’s poop?
- This Christmas, I got to thinking: adults need their own version of Elf on a Shelf. It’s called Midge in a Fridge and he gets rid of any old food or stuff that you don’t want anymore but feel too guilty to throw away. He would even rinse and recycle out-dated condiment jars.
- I’m not looking forward to the phase where Mia berates me with her words. You probably think I’m talking about when she’s a teenager, but I’m not. I know from other moms that toddlers can be pretty harsh. When Mia hits this stage, it’ll be like I’m back in junior high, worrying about my hair and makeup and what I’m wearing everyday (shudder). These are actual quotes from friends’ toddlers:
“Ew, your breath stinks; brush your teeth.”
“Hair too wacky-doody,” while handing her a comb.
”Your legs are scratchy! You need to shave.”
