The Poopsie Collective

Orchestrating Family Memories

Written by BROOKE 

Making memories…

What makes a family memory? What are the things my kids will remember 20 years from now? Do they happen spontaneously? Are memories just “made”? Or as parents, is it our job to “orchestrate” them?

I think it’s a mixture of both. I think that some memories happen spontaneously. I can still remember dragging my baby sister around the house in an empty box while she laughed so hard that she couldn’t stop. I remember sliding down our stairs on pillows and climbing up the door jams in our rooms when we were supposed to be asleep. I hope that my boys remember giggling so much at night that we have to come up three or four times to tell them to go to bed. I hope they remember the living room dance parties and singing songs in the car. 

But I have been feeling lately the need for more. I’ve been feeling like my strong desire for my kids to like each other and end up friends depends a lot on them spending time together in a fun way, not in a “waiting to hang out with my friends” way. We are the only members of either side of our families who live in California. That means that when we “vacation” it usually involves trips with family or trips to see family. Which is great, we are lucky to get along well with all of our siblings and our kids love their cousins so family time really is a treat. But what about real vacations? You know, the kind we did as kids where you are stuck with no one but your siblings and parents for hours on end and you ended up having to play together because there was no one else to play with? I felt like we were missing out on those types of trips. 

So I decided it was time to orchestrate some family memories. I decided that, no matter how budget conscious it needed to be, we were going to go on a family vacation with just our little family every year. Last weekend, we packed up the car, the hubs and I each took a day off work and we headed only two hours away for a long weekend in Palm Springs. Was it extravagant? No. Was it fun? Yes. Did we fight (all four of us)? A little. But I think the good times outweighed the bad. 

I think I learned a few things. My boys will play really, really nicely when they have no one else around. It doesn’t have to be expensive. We got a hotel with a kitchen and I packed sandwich stuff, milk, yogurts, breakfasts, etc. from home. We went out to eat twice and ordered cheap pizza once. We did one activity that cost money but the rest of the time we played at the hotel’s pool (and waterslide, which was a huge bonus). My boys were almost as happy just to play in the hotel room as they were to do anything else. One night we rented a movie, bought some candy at Wal Mart and lay on the pull out couch together. It cost about $5 but there was just something super fun about being in a hotel. We had a blast. The kids both got tons of attention from both of us which I think was needed since we’ve both been really busy lately. It was nice to just be together as a family. Even if after 3 days I was ready for a break because orchestrating memories is hard work. It was definitely not a vacation for either of the adults but that was ok. 

And I feel good about orchestrating some memories. In fact, I think we’ll do it again next year. 

A family memory in the making…courtesy of our hotel water slide.

Morning Routines with a Preschooler

Written by BROOKE 

I’m not much of a routine person. I’m more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person. I always have been. But there’s one thing I’ve learned as a mom and it is that in certain cases, a routine can really help with the screaming, whining, cajoling, begging and punishing that starts to happen when you have to be out the door at a certain time. 

For the first half of this year preschool mornings weren’t too bad. They coincided with the days of my early runs so I was up early and home by 7am. The kids were up and I had over an hour before we had to be out of the house—no big deal. Lately though, the early morning workouts are not happening. Instead I stay in bed with a pillow over my head until the last possible second (or until Brady insists that I come “downstairs, WIGHT NOW!”). Aaron gets the kids downstairs and usually manages to throw a piece of toast at them with some fruit, which will at least tide them over until I can drag my sorry pregnant butt out of bed. 

At that point we only have about 45 minutes until we have to leave. And it is chaos. I am trying to get myself ready for the gym, get the kids dressed, everyone’s teeth brushed, backpack packed, eat my own breakfast so I don’t pass out, and get out the door. It is nuts. And I usually end up yelling. A lot. So I decided something needed to change. And it wasn’t going to be me getting out of bed earlier. Because really, all that meant was that I’d have an extra 30 min to yell and it wasn’t really solving the problem that Zach had no desire to MOVE in the mornings. Matchbox cars and TV shows were much more interesting than getting dressed and brushing his teeth. 

So I decided to put it in my four-year-old’s hands. He’s really in to responsibility. He loves it when I give him jobs like emptying the silverware from the clean dishwasher (he actually asks me multiple times a day if the silverware needs to be emptied). So I went online (what did moms do before Pinterest?) and found a chart. A sticker chart that has pictures and tells him what needs to be done each morning. There are lots out there but I found one that had the basics I wanted—-get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast (I told him that also means clearing his place), get hair combed, and backpack ready. I put it in a sheet protector, because I’m way too lazy to get it laminated, and found some stickers I had leftover from potty training (another time a sticker chart worked great for us). 

Now I’m not going to say this has solved all of our problems. But it has REALLY, really helped. It is nice to just say (even if I have to say it 20 times) “check your chart!” Instead of “GET UP HERE AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH!” Instead of feeling like I’m nagging him I’m reminding him how to get stickers, which he loves. He is much more motivated to get ready and I am much less stressed. It even motivates the two-year-old because he wants to do everything his brother does. 

I feel like one of the hard things about having a preschooler is reminding yourself that even though it might be easier to remind them or tell them everything, or even do it for them, all they are really craving is some autonomy and independence. I have to keep reminding myself that putting him in charge is exactly what he wants and the more I can channel it into something positive, the better. Otherwise he asserts his independence by fighting with his brother and defying me. I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a few more charts around this house. 

The Ultimate Mother’s Day Gift

Written by BROOKE 

Where I’ll be celebrating mother’s day…

When your kids are too young to really get it, the task of the perfect Mother’s Day gift falls to Dad. But what IS the perfect gift? Something practical? You are, after all, a MOM. Something sentimental? Or something totally indulgent? Maybe something that reminds you that you are, actually, MORE than a mother. A break, if you will, from all things “mother.” 

Indulging is how spent my first Mother’s Day. I met my two best college girlfriends in Vegas and we lived it up! Massages, dinners out, a show, laying out by the pool—oh and two of the three of us attached to the breast pump every 3-4 hours (even in the parking lot of a Las Vegas casino). Aside from the pumping, it was everything I needed as a new mom: a few days away and a little relaxation. I arrived home in time for an Italian dinner made by my fabulous husband, and felt that not only was I VERY appreciated as a mother (nothing will help your husband appreciate you more than doing your job for a few days), but I was ready to go back to being the best mom I could be. I had missed my little man and was grateful to be back home with him. 

When some of my cousins and I decided to plan a girls’ weekend this spring and someone suggested we do it over Mother’s Day weekend, I knew I had to make it happen again. So, today, I jet out to Scottsdale on my first solo flight in over 3 years. I plan on a little sleeping, a little reading while laying out, a few virgin mojitos and, oh don’t forget that 80-minute prenatal massage I booked. 

Is it selfish to ditch my family for Mother’s Day? Is it sad that I won’t get to see my son sing the adorable little song he’s been practicing at church for the past month? No, I actually think it’s the ultimate Mother’s Day gift. 

How will you celebrate? 

Maternity Wardrobe on a Budget

Written by BROOKE

Pregnancy. Round four. Yep, four pregnancies in less than 6 years. And they all had different requirements when it came to clothes. 

Pregnancies 1 and 2 (first, our twins who passed away, second Zach)—I was working full time. This meant slacks, blouses, dresses and skirts. I couldn’t be that teacher who wore the same outfit every three days. I felt my only option was to hit up the maternity store and buy lots of boring and frumpy looking clothes. Ugly.

Pregnancy 3 (Brady)—I wasn’t working outside the home then. Thought I would survive on sweats but realized that gets depressing quickly. I got great hand-me-downs from a friend and bought a few decent pairs of jeans. I also tried shopping outside the maternity department and layering—two things that saved me. Layering helps with the fact that my hips get as big as my belly. Shopping outside the maternity department gave me so many more options and more clothes for that dreaded 4th trimester when none of my normal clothes will fit yet, but when wearing maternity clothes invites that awful question, “when is your baby due?” And sadly, the answer is, “he was born 3 weeks ago.” 

Pregnancy 4 (now)—I thought that I had enough clothes from Brady’s pregnancy to get by. But we’re in completely different seasons and truthfully, I was shocked at how out of style those clothes are three years later. I’m no fashionista either so for me to say they’re out of style means they are bad. I was actually embarrassed to wear my old maternity jeans to the mall to buy new ones! 

I thought I just might splurge a little this pregnancy. I went to the high-end maternity store and bought a $200 pair of jeans. “I want to feel GOOD,” I reasoned. “I need to look CUTE,” I justified. Then I got home and calculated how many hours of tutoring it would take to pay for those jeans. And how often I would wear them being pregnant mostly over the summer. And how at 16 weeks I wasn’t even half as big as I was going to get and the chance of those super tight, skinny jeans fitting me in another 15-20 weeks was slim to none. (And if you have any comments about me wearing maternity clothes at 16 weeks you can call me back after you’ve been pregnant four times.)

My accountant husband has worn off on me and I returned the expensive jeans. I decided there was no reason I couldn’t put together a cute, cheap, updated wardrobe on a budget. In fact, I was pretty sure I could take back those $200 jeans and get myself most of the items I needed for the same amount of money. 

Here’s what is floating my boat this round…

Maxi Skirts

Does it get any more comfortable? Nope. I bought one that was maternity with a roll over top but the rest have been cheapies from the non-maternity section. Paired with a tee and contrasting colored cardigan it looks super cute and I know these are one thing I’ll actually wear after the baby is born. I think I might even have to jump back on the jean jacket bandwagon because this skirt would look so cute with one.

Jeans

My maternity jeans were in desperate need of updating. I haven’t ordered these mint ones yet because I’m nervous about how big they’ll make my thighs look but I’m kind of drooling over them. ASOS is new to me but they have a lot of trendy cute options and the prices are really reasonable. 

I was also really happy when I returned my designer maternity jeans and bought these ones from Old Navy. Although I haven’t loved their jeans in the past, these are actually cute, comfortable and super cheap! If I have to size up at the end I won’t even feel bad buying another pair. They have that stretchy panel which I love and I find to be the only kind that doesn’t have to be yanked up all day long. 

For the Gym

It is sort of sad and shocking how few options there are for working out during pregnancy. But I have found some good options with non-maternity clothes. I wanted workout leggings that were fitted all the way down instead of flared out since I spin and the flares always get caught in the bike. These GAP body fit the bill and with the roll over waist I know they’ll last the whole time. I got them on sale for $20 and at that price, I picked up a pair in my size and a size up for later on. 

I also got some blousy workout tanks from Old Navy but they don’t have them on the website right now. I have to say that ON is doing a great job at knocking off the higher-end workout clothes lately. Their stuff is adorable, comfortable and so cheap. 

Tops

So far, my non-maternity tops are all still fitting. Thanks to this year’s long lengths and blousy styles I’m hoping they’ll last for a while. This Old Navy top is especially flattering on my not-too-huge-yet belly. I saw it in the store they had several more colors than online.

I also have a poncho style top I love, like this one from Loft.

And all my open and flowy cardigans look great over a tighter top. 

So, there you have it! I took back those $200 jeans and haven’t looked back. I think I’ll save the expensive jeans for a losing all the baby weight celebration. 

Chick-Fil-A: A Pregnancy Love Affair

written by BROOKE

Ok seriously? Am I writing a post about this? I have already confessed my love for my minivan, my Diet Coke, and Rubio’s so let me add one more embarrassing one to the list, lest you start to think I have only a few vices.

When I’m pregnant, especially in the first trimester, cooking is hard. I find that once I’ve cooked something myself I usually can’t eat it. Especially meat. So we end up eating out a little more than normal. OK, maybe a lot. And I can’t eat Rubio’s every day. Well, I could but it gets embarrassing.

Enter Chick-Fil-A. I am seriously having a pregnancy/tax-season-widow love affair with this place! It has to be the most mom-friendly fast food stop ever. Do you know they have a mom-valet? Yes, you can drive through the drive through, place your order, pay for it and then when you get your kids out of the car and inside they have your food already set-up at a table. What!? This is amazing. Avoiding the line and a fight with my kids is awesome. Plus they have a playground (so… Brady may or may not have contracted pink eye in the play land). Then comes their staff. They answer every thank you or request with “my pleasure” it makes me feel like I am a few steps up from Mickey-D’s or BK, for sure. And they come around to refill my diet coke FOR me! Awesome.

Oh, and the food? Not really so bad. They actually offer grilled chicken nuggets, which is really just a chicken breast broken into pieces but tell your kids they are nuggets and everyone’s happy. Milk instead of soda? Apple sauce instead of fries? And for mom? Grilled chicken sandwich and side salad runs you like 400 cals. And the salads are actually really good. But I’m not going to lie, the fries are good too and, well, every now and then.

The other night my girlfriend and I met up at Chick-Fil-A. We were the only ones there in the evening and we let our kids play in the playland while we chatted for almost an hour. Those nice little teenage workers refilled our drinks about five times and said “my pleasure” every time. We chatted and the kids were happy and I decided, this is a little piece of heaven.

When Should They Stop Seeing ME Naked?

Written by BROOKE 

On the heels of Erica’s nudity clause for our kids, comes a discussion I recently had at, of all things, a baby shower. 

It started when I ran into a girlfriend one day at Wal-Mart. I love running into friends at Wal Mart because it takes away some of the shame, like ahh, I’m not the only one!  Anyway, my girlfriend tells me she’s glad she ran in to me because she has a question for me. She has two sons, both a little younger than mine. And she asks me, right there in the Wal Mart aisle (another reason I love that place), at what age I stopped letting them see me naked. When I stopped? I raised my eyebrows. I’m not supposed to let them see me naked? ‘Cuz I’m pretty sure we all three took a shower together yesterday. Is that weird? 

So we decided to raise the question with some more friends. A few nights later, at the baby shower, we brought it up again. This time with a whole group of moms who all have boys (we decided girls didn’t count) who ranged from babies to six years old. A few of the moms had stopped letting their kids see them naked. The rest of us had not. So the question stands, when do you stop letting them see you naked? 

One friend just started telling her kids to get out of the room because “mom needs some privacy now.” She didn’t make it weird, which I liked, she just made a request for privacy. But I could hear Zach now, “why mommy?” After all, my kids gather round to check out my poop.  One friend said hers naturally got shy about it and would turn around if he walked in while she was naked. But knowing my little exhibitionist that would never happen, nakedness is not weird to him. And I guess that’s my question, should it be? Will it be? I mean I don’t want to traumatize him. I certainly don’t want him to have vivid memories of me naked. But I also don’t want to make it a “thing” where nakedness is weird or naughty or something. I mean, it’s just my body and nothing could be more non-sexual than a mother’s body, right? 

Brady in the tub… what’s a little nudity when it means I get to share bath time with that face?

The answer, for me at least, is that it’s still ok. For us, for now. I’m sure it will change some day. There will be a time when he will absolutely cringe at the thought of seeing his mom naked. But for now, I will enjoy the absolute innocence of my four year old. And since, in a household full of boys, I know there will be a day when they yell “eww, MO-OM” if I even dare to leave my bathroom in my underwear, I’m going to enjoy the fact that for at least the next little while, I can walk around naked with no complaints. And I’ll remind myself that I’ll have many years of audience free poops and empty showers and that some day I might miss those little visitors (ok, not for poop, I don’t think I’ll ever miss an audience for poop). 

Readers, how about you? Do your kids still see you naked? How and when did you stop? 

Positive Birth: A Mirror, an Audience & a Spritzer

Written by BROOKE 

When the Poopsie writers decided we’d like to run a series on our positive birth experiences, I had a hard time deciding which of my births I wanted to talk about. My first experience giving birth was to my stillborn twins. While their birth is something I hold completely sacred and was a special experience, it doesn’t fall into the “encourage other moms with our positive birth stories” category. Zachary’s birth was easy and quick, painless and tremendously overjoying but still filled with a little anxiety because we all just wanted a baby safe in my arms. So, I’ve decided to share the story of Brady’s birth. It has been by far my most laid back, enjoyable, fun (yes, I said fun) birthing experience. 

I’ve had the same doctor for all of my pregnancies and births. I love her to no end, as she has been with us through the best and worst of times. She has held my hand as I sobbed and sobbed right along with me, and has been the one to bring our precious boys safely into my arms.  I can’t say enough how important it is to have someone with you whom you trust and feel good about their decisions. I cringe when I hear stories of people who aren’t happy with their doctors, who have doctors who don’t listen to their fears or who push them to do things they don’t want to. 

For Brady we decided on an induction about three days before his due date. This is probably a controversial decision to a lot of people, but once you’ve experienced tragedy as we have, getting that baby safely in our arms is the main objective and as my babies have all had low amniotic fluid we have chosen both times to induce close to their due dates.  People get nervous about inductions but I’m a fan in the right situation. There is something that is definitely nice about getting up, showering, doing your makeup, making all the arrangements you need and heading off to the hospital, totally calm. There is something to be said for getting all settled in and getting the show on the road. And there is REALLY something to be said for getting that epidural right when you need it. It has also, for me at least, guaranteed that my own doctor would be able to deliver my babies. 

The beauty of induction—hair done, makeup on, ready to go! 

The morning of Brady’s birth we dropped Zach off at a friend’s and headed over to the hospital. When we arrived, we headed to our ocean-view room. The nurse got us all set up; I find they automatically warm up to us as a couple and family once they know our story. I think they know that we aren’t taking this day for granted in any way. 

I’ll admit the rest of the day was, well, kind of boring! The induction was a little slow (my doctor blamed it on the nurse, which totally made me laugh). We watched shows on the computer, made friends with our nurse when we found out we liked all the same shows, talked on the phone to family and friends and just hung out. I got my epidural in the afternoon—an important tip is to ask the nurse to make sure you get a good anesthesiologist. I’ve had bad and good; sometimes you don’t have a choice, but if you can, you tell the nurse to get the GOOD one in there. They know who the good ones are. To me, there is nothing like a good epidural. Not to knock natural birth, but I did one where the epidural didn’t work and I prefer the pain free route now. 

It wasn’t until the evening that I was ready to push. The nurse had me do some practice pushes, which are always awesome when your husband stands behind the nurse pointing down and mouthing the words “YOU’RE POOPING!” Thanks for the moral support, honey. 

This, to me is where the “fun” part began. First the nurse asked if she could bring in a mirror. Umm, no. No thanks. She said (since we had really gotten to know each other and were now besties), “I really think you’ll like it. It is really cool to watch and if you don’t like it, I’ll pull it away.” So I agreed to try. That seemed so hippie and unlike me! (Which now makes me laugh because nothing about my births is hippie in any way.) So we had the mirror. We had our nurse. She had a student nurse shadowing her for the day, which had been fine because she pretty much seemed too scared to talk to me anyway. Then there would be a baby nurse, and my doctor.  

And then the nurse asks me how I’d feel about letting some intern come watch. “She can’t do anything, she can’t even say anything, she just watches and she can get you a sandwich and a spritzer after the baby is born.” SOLD. Our hospital is famous for their “spritzers” which are really just sprite and cranberry juice but somehow in those Styrofoam cups with that crushed ice there is just nothing better. So, hey, if this audience member came with the promise of a spritzer, bring her on in! 

It felt like a lot of people, but it was also kind of cool. My own little cheering section. My doctor came in. She was feeling cheeky. She was giving the nurse a hard time about my induction taking too long. They turned on the spotlights, which made it feel like we were in a  movie. They put me in those stirrups. And we pushed. And in between pushes? We told stories. And jokes. And my doctor teased me about always giving Zach fruit snacks at my OB appointments to keep him quiet. And she told stories about her youngest child being a little sh*t. Which made me giggle. Because there I was, giving birth, feet in the stirrups and we’re telling stories like we’re out at lunch. It was like we were all just having this great, fun time. The mirror was there, and it was cool! I could see him making progress as I pushed and I could see which pushes were working and which were not, which I think helped me get it right.  And 20 min later, it was over. Baby in my arms. It was kind of surreal. I couldn’t believe how easy and FUN it had been. I got my precious baby, I got my spritzer and life was good!  

I don’t share my boys birth stories that often because they don’t fall into the scary, crazy or traumatizing category. But I agree that we should be sharing the fun, the positive, the easy and beautiful of it all. When I hear about a mom going to the hospital I’m never scared for them, just excited! 

How the Cash (Envelope) Budget Helped My Marriage

Written by BROOKE 

When I began dating my husband and found out he was a tax accountant I’ll admit to being both happy and wary. Happy because I had dated a number of guys without a lot of career prospects and hey, this guy had a Master’s degree and a real job (as my brother said when I called about him, “He’s bona fide”). I was wary though because I was not really known for being good with money. Case in point, I hadn’t even filed my taxes in the past years before meeting my husband, nor had I spent my small teacher’s salary very wisely, and I carried a balance on my credit card (all horrible sins in my new boyfriend’s eyes). 

When we got engaged and decided to buy a house I vowed to be better with money. Gone were my twice-monthly trips to the nail salon for my acrylic nail re-fills, pedicures and eyebrow waxes. Gone were the shopping sprees and the days of never missing a concert. But, I can’t say I was really reformed. It was a constant battle. I always wanted to spend more; the realist let me know that we didn’t exactly HAVE more to spend. But the credit card never turned me down. And we always figured it out, we paid the bills, we weren’t in debt, we were fine. Right?  

The bickering continued off and on for the first years of our marriage. It was up and down. We would make a budget. I would be good. Then I would be bad. He would turn a blind eye (to avoid an argument). He would bring it up ever so gently and get his head bitten off. He really couldn’t win. I constantly felt like I had to justify every purchase I made and he constantly saw me frittering away what could have been our savings. 

We had a few friends and family members who had gone to an all cash, envelope system budget. A few did it out of necessity, lost jobs, a return to school, etc. And one couple in particular did it out of a desire to stop the constant money arguments. We had actually tried it before. But it failed when I got pregnant with Brady and couldn’t manage to stick to the very strict food budget we had created. Then last year we decided to try it again. 

This time, though, it would be different. This time we would approach it more realistically and with more of a goal in mind.  It took time. First, Aaron (this is where it comes in handy being married to an accountant), scoured our bank statements from months past to see where we were spending money. There are a lot of programs that will do this for you; we have used Microsoft Money in the past. This time though it was just my accountant and his trusty Excel spreadsheets. We figured out how much we were spending and where. Then we made a “zero” based budget. Click here for tools and forms you can download. 

We had to be realistic. The dog needed to be groomed, the kids needed clothes, etc. To do this right you have to account for EVERY expense-—my hair highlights and the kid’s gymnastic classes are all accounted for in the new budget. The amounts we included for groceries, Target, eating out, etc. were based on what we had actually been spending, while trying to cut some of the fat at the same time (important because in the past we had just chosen numbers at random and I found quickly that many of the numbers we had chosen didn’t work at all). 

We also made savings goals that were tangible (important to me). Instead of saying “let’s save $1,000 a month,” it was, “let’s save $1,000 a month TOWARDS a new house.” Since moving out of our small condo is something I am dying to do, this really motivated me to stick with the budget this time. 

It takes some tweaking. It takes some getting used to. It took some tears on my part (mostly in realizing that we were not, in fact, millionaires). But for someone like me, for whom that credit card constantly beacons, cash makes all the difference. We have $40 left in the eating out envelope? That will 100% stop me from a Tuesday night fast-food run because I really want that money for the weekend. When the grocery budget runs low, I’m always surprised at what I can put together from my pantry that week. 

Here’s How it Works:

You can set it up however you like. For us, we put cash into envelopes twice a month (when my husband gets paid). Two weeks of cash is less intimidating to me than a month’s worth. Plus, if I get really low there’s never too long to go until the next payment. 

We only take out cash for certain categories, the ones that we have the hardest time with (we=me).

Our Envelope Categories Are:

• Groceries 
• Costco: I have to keep that separate from groceries, it’s just a personal preference.
• Target: Seems weird but I buy diapers and used to buy formula at Target so it originally warranted its own category
• Eating Out: This usually also covers going out, we don’t have an entertainment envelope, but you could have one.
• Misc: Most often this goes towards birthday presents for the kid’s friends, but other odds and ends as well.
• Babysitters: I use babysitters when I work and we use them to go out a few times a month.
• Clothes: While we don’t currently have a clothes envelope, I often buy the boys’ clothes online and I know what my monthly budget is. I’m pretty good at sticking to it.

I Have Also Added:

• Cleaning Lady: I fund this with money that I make tutoring.
• Brooke’s Money: I also fund this with some of my tutoring income.

We also often have an envelope for something we’re saving towards where we put any roll-over money and extra tutoring money that I make (since my tutoring money is really unreliable, we don’t ever count on it when we make our budget). Right now we’re saving towards bunk beds for the boys. We recently saved for some new furniture and I have to say it was so satisfying to go to the store and pay cash, knowing that it wasn’t taking away from any of our other savings goals for the month. It was really empowering for me, the spender. 

This has not stopped all of our money arguments but I can say that it has GREATLY reduced them. I don’t get questions about my Target purchases any more, because hey, if they come out of the envelope it’s all ok. And my husband is happy to see that for the first time in our marriage, our savings account balance is actually increasing monthly. When we implemented this we found we could save nearly $1,000/month more than we had been previously. How’s that for eye opening? 

Some articles that I found helpful as we started our cash envelope budget:

Money Saving Mom

Dave Ramsey Envelope System

We’d love to hear what budgeting system works for you…leave a comment below and share your tips!

Book Review: “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” by Amy Chua

Written by BROOKE

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, by Amy Chua

I probably wouldn’t have picked up this book if it hadn’t been a choice of my book club, but I’m really glad I did. This book had garnered a lot of negative publicity and I didn’t really have the desire to have a strict Chinese mother preaching about how her brand of parenting was the best. That couldn’t have been farther from what this book really was. 

Amy Chua wrote a witty, intelligent, humorous memoir of her successes and failures as a strict Chinese mother. I loved it. I wanted to take notes! I told my husband, I think I’m going to become a Chinese mother! 

Ok, so not really. But the truth of it was, a lot of what Chua wrote rang very true to me. After teaching high school for five years, I have to say I was less than impressed with MOST of the parents I encountered. Since I left teaching full time to stay home with my sons I began working part time as a private tutor. The mothers who hire me are often mothers like Amy Chua, strict, demanding, and driven to help their children succeed at any cost. And many of them are immigrants. They work so hard to drive their children to success. And most of them DO succeed. I’ve learned some, and I’ve taken some mental notes. And I think that many Western parents could use a healthy dose of Chinese-style parenting. 

“I wasn’t fragile, like some Western parents. As I often said to the girls, ‘My goal as a parent is to prepare you for the future—not to make you like me…’”

This line of Chua’s reminded me of my own mother. 

I was raised in a relatively strict Mormon household. While I was never forced to practice my piano for three hours a day, I was forced to take piano lessons (that I despised) from age 7 to 17, I was forced to attend 3 hours of church every Sunday, I was not allowed to date until I was sixteen, or wear immodest clothing, and I attended early morning religion classes all four years of high school at six am.  And in our family, good grades were expected. I remember asking my dad to pay me for my grades. His response? I’ll pay you $10 for every A and you pay me $50 for every B. It was never a wager I cared to take. And while I may have yelled and screamed about many of these things as a teenager (and even rebelled against some of them), I am grateful for every single one of them as an adult. 

The biggest thing I think that my parents taught me and that I will carry into my own parenting, is that some things are just NOT optional. Amy Chua gave the same message. She says, “I think it’s too idealistic to expect children to do the right things on their own.” While this is extreme, it is true in many cases. As a teacher, I hated having parents come in when their kids were in high school and complaining that they couldn’t “make” their children do anything, while that child sat in front of us with a phone, car, and all the privileges in the world. My parents made, yes even in some cases forced, us to do things and I think they should have! I know that I will certainly force and make my children do things that they may not want to do, in fact they will do most of the things I was “forced” to do as a child. 

Amy Chua’s strict parenting style backfires on her in the course of her memoir. And even she admits that she was too extreme at times. But parenting is a learning experience and I loved that she put it all out there, the good and the bad. Even though it made her look horrible in some cases. I think the negative press she got was unwarranted. I admire her for being honest.  And while I may hold off on putting Zachary in piano lessons until he’s older, you can bet he’ll take them and he’ll practice, maybe even a little more than I ever did. 

Rental Home: Dogs Allowed. Children Only With Additional Deposit.

Written by BROOKE 

With the anticipation of baby number three comes the realization that our 900 sq foot condo just won’t cut it anymore. While my accountant husband seems to think a pack-n-play in the corner of our room would work just fine, I’ve had to remind him that babies need more than just a place to sleep (like a place to put their clothes and all of their baby “stuff”). And, as the crazy sleeper in the family, I just don’t do well having a baby in my room (my fan can’t drown out their crying when they are in the same room). 

We were lucky enough to buy our condo at the height of the biggest housing bubble this country has ever seen, so selling and moving just isn’t an option. And so we will, once again, become renters. This is hard for me on so many levels. We moved into our condo almost seven years ago when we got married. We have painstakingly remodeled every square inch of the 1980’s built formal rental. The granite is MY granite. Everything is our vision, our planning, our doing. And, truth be told, if it had a garage to hide some of the stuff or even a walk-in closet where I could hide a baby at night, I’d probably just stay put. But, we don’t. We just don’t fit and we certainly will not with one more person. 

And now comes the hard part. A rental home that will take us—all five of us. See, the other thing we did because we owned our condo was get a dog. We got her before we had any kids. She was our first baby. And to tell you the truth, she is the most low maintenance member of our family right now. So I have to laugh at the landlords who I call, and who ask me a million questions as though I am some kind of criminal coming to rent their home. “How is your credit? Do you have a steady job? How long have you been employed? How many children?” And then, they don’t say it, so I do…. “I have a dog,” quickly followed by “but she’s non-shedding and totally potty trained and only 9 pounds and VERY well behaved” (only one of those things is a lie). And they want either $1,000 more of a deposit or they just flat out say “no, no pets.” 

I just say thank you and mumble under my breath but what I really want to say is, “I think you missed the point. I have TWO (almost 3) children. Boys. I have a tiny dog. Let me tell you who is WAY more likely to do permanent damage do your house. I promise you my DOG will never write on your hardwood floors with permanent marker. My kids? I can’t make such a promise. My dog has not had an accident in the house since she was a tiny puppy. My kids? They have pooped, peed and vomited on my carpet more times in the past few years than I can count. See that red spot on my carpet? Do you think that is from my dog? No, it’s a chewed up and spit out jelly bean that was then ground into the carpet with a tiny two-year-old foot. See the hole in my wall over there? Do you think my DOG slammed the doorknob into the wall so many times that it made a hole? No, that was a tantruming four-year-old. See the black marks on my white cabinets? Dirty boy hands. The black marks on my hallway walls? Hot wheels tracks.” 

So, no, it is really NOT the dog you should worry about. I have a feeling the landlords who won’t take dogs don’t have any children of their own. 

Do you really think this ball of adorable-ness could destroy your house?

The First (Worst) Trimester

Written by BROOKE

Announcement time: we are expecting baby number 3 in early October! I know, we’re somewhat crazy but coming from families with four and five kids, my husband and I want to have a big family (meaning, no, we’re probably not done. It’s ok get up off the floor). 

But it is in this first trimester, that I sometimes think that is a really stupid idea. I am sure that I could get a really good argument from any 37-week pregnant woman, but I dare to say that this first trimester is the WORST! 

Here is why the first trimester is the worst: Not ONLY am I so exhausted I can barely function, sick (I don’t get as sick as some, the barfers win hands down), bloated, I can’t poop, and no food sounds good, BUT, no one even KNOWS! That is the worst part and THAT is why I will argue with any about-to-pop pregnant woman that the first trimester is the worst! 

In the third and even the heavenly second trimester, I get those sweet looks from everyone in the store. I get offered a seat while waiting at a restaurant, I even get people who let me cut in line for the bathroom (really happened!). EVERYONE gets my plight. EVERYONE is nice. EVERYONE understands why my other children are running around like maniacs. When I was pregnant (and showing) with Brady people fell all over themselves to help me with Zach. 

The first trimester? I look (and feel) like a neglectful, slobby, flabby, greasy, lazy mom everywhere I go. I am out in public when I realize the checker is staring at my once A cup, now D, cup boobs hanging out of my now too tight t-shirt as I wrestle two kids, and everyone in line wonders if I am homeless or a crack addict or something. No one feels sorry for me! The people at they gym are wondering how the girl who comes so often is managing to get FATTER by the day. 

The first trimester is all about survival. I do anything to get a nap or sleep for a few more minutes, including giving my phone to my four year old to play Angry Birds for over an hour while the little one naps so I can catch a nap too. My kids watch more movies than I can count. If I even make dinner at all, it’s frozen or from a box. My big accomplishment of the week? Pigs in a blanket. My kids were thrilled. They have started to ask, “where are we going for lunch today mom?” 

I think that the first trimester moms should get a sign or something. Maybe a t-shirt that says “I’m pregnant and feel like crap! Be nice to me!” 

Keeping Track of the Memories

Written by BROOKE

One day it just happens. Your little toddler goes from babbling the cutest and sweetest things you’ve ever heard to a three or four-year-old spewing out this sass-filled, crazy talk. At first, you just stand there, totally blindsided. And then you usually alternate between laughing hysterically (and trying to hide it) and wanting to scream. 

I am in the middle of the crazy sass-filled talk right now. The things that come out of this kid’s mouth make us laugh and cringe daily. I have a friend who regularly records her almost-four-year-old’s funnies on her blog. I realized that while I can usually remember Zach’s long enough to repeat them to my husband or mother later on the phone, I am rapidly forgetting these hilarious things he’s saying. And that someday, when he’s saying really hateful teenager things, I’m going to long for the memories of these funny four-year-old days. 

I asked my girlfriend how she kept track of the funny things her daughter said because I was forgetting Zach’s way too fast. She told me she keeps a “T” tab on the notepad part of her phone and jots them down on there. Then when she had a few built up she recorded them on her blog. I loved the idea. I think you could do it with your phone, a little notepad in your purse, or any other number of ways. But I think that if we don’t keep track of some of the hysterical moments, we’ll regret it later. 

So my new challenge is to keep better track of the memories. I want to be able to look back on them someday. And I am already glad that I’m doing it. 

And since you asked, yes, I’ll share a few. And my friend gave me permission to share a few of her little funny girl’s too. 

Recent Zach Funnies: 

“If you don’t let me play the Wii, I’m going to eat CANDY for lunch!” (What a threat!)

“I’m going to send you out to the forest and the animals are going to eat you!” 

After I called another driver a less than stellar name, “Mom, I’m so glad you didn’t call him an idiot.” (What I called him was quite a bit worse than idiot.)

“Mom, I like that dress, it’s not ugly at all.” 

“That’s it! I’m sending you to bed! Without your phone.”  (This kid knows what punishment would work for me!) 

Another funny: after setting up blankets, pillows, cars, books and the ramp in the middle of the hallway so no one could pass, “Mom! We’re having a sleepover!” 

And from the girls’ side. Some “T” Funnies:

Friday night there was a problem at work and her dad had to go in after dinner; he was explaining to T that he had to go back to work and that he’d see her in the morning…

D: Daddy has to go back to work tonight T, I will see you in the morning ok? 

T: Why dad? 

D: Because there are some people at work that aren’t being very nice, so I have to go remind them how to be nice. 

T: Oh, are they hitting, dad? 

D: No, I think that they’re not using nice words. 

T: Oh, like are they saying poop and pee to each other? Dad, you just put them in time out ok?

To her one-year-old brother “B, you are a commoner.” 

When she was mad at her mom: “Mom! If you do that I will go in my bedroom and cut my fairies’ hair!!”

So, how do you keep track of the funnies in your life? Share your ideas with us, or share your kids’ best funnies at poopsiecollective@gmail.com or on our Facebook page.

Mama’s Boys: Raising Sons with Affection

Written by BROOKE

Earlier this week Erica shared this article, entitled “Who Are You Calling a Mama’s Boy?”, written by Kate Stone Lombardi, with the Poopsie Collective team. As I read it, I have to say a tear came to my eye. As the mother of boys, it hit home. 

Five years ago, we lost twin girls. They were stillborn. Afterward, we had two sons. The thought that some day I would lose them too, first to distance and then eventually to a wife and another family, hit me very hard. I’ve never been able to picture my boys off at college spilling their hearts out over the phone to me, their mom. I can’t even picture high school evenings like the ones I had at the kitchen table, talking to my mom late into the night. I thought that as a mom of boys I would be pushed aside, to some extent, as my boys grew up. 

I have felt pressure to make them “tough,” to stop coddling them. I often wonder with Brady—are we babying him too much? We were tougher on Zach. Should we be tougher on him? Do I carry him too much? Do I kiss him too much? I admit I’ve told Zach, “that’s not something we cry about, we cry about really sad things or things that hurt a lot.” He was crying over an apple, and I do have my limits. But would I have said the same thing to a girl? 

It doesn’t always come from me though. The other day Zach told me he didn’t want to wear the sweatshirt I handed him for school because he would “look goofy.” What? You’re four! You can’t already be rejecting the fact that your mother knows everything and is the coolest, could you? 

I can’t express how happy I felt when I read Lombardi’s article. Not only is it OK to keep my boys close to me, it’s GOOD for them. I loved the statistics showing that boys who are close to their mothers are less aggressive and do better in school, than those who aren’t close.  I want my boys to be able to talk to me. I want them to feel close to me. I want us to have a strong relationship. I want them to be OK having, feeling and sharing emotions. I love that when I pick Zach up from preschool he jumps into my arms. I love the shouts of “MOMMY!” when I walk through the door after being gone even for only a few hours. I love that we all lay in bed and cuddle as we read books at night, and that my boys fight sometimes about who gets to sit closest to me. They are both very affectionate, which I have realized, I want for them.

I’ve wondered when it will start to change. Zach decided a while ago (thanks to a book we were reading where the main character declared “I hate kissing!”) that he didn’t like kisses any more. Thankfully, seeing his little brother receive hundreds of kisses a day changed his mind back (a little). But I know it won’t always be this way. Or can it? Can they not be embarrassed to kiss me at 8 or 9? Will they always want to be the one who snuggles closest to me? I’ve felt like this time in our lives is one I have to savor because it’s fleeting. But now, thanks to Lombardi’s article, I’m hoping it’s something that we can carry on. Of course our relationships will evolve and change. But my desire to stay a close confidant has become stronger than ever. Because it’s not just for my benefit. It’s also for theirs. 

My mama’s boys

A Cleaning Lady—The Gift I Give Myself

Written by BROOKE

Ok, I had a hard time coming up with a picture. I should have taken a picture of my house this week when it was clean but that only lasted for like 10 minutes. 

“It’s the best gift a husband can give to a wife” my girlfriend quoted her mom to me, speaking of having a cleaning lady. And I couldn’t agree with her more. Except, the problem is, my husband doesn’t agree. 

I guess I see his side. I mean, I’m a stay-at-home mom. Cleaning probably falls under my job description. And I always thought I could do it all on my own. My condo isn’t exactly big, I should be able to handle it. And I sort of can, but that’s the kicker, the “sort of” part. When you have two kids underfoot, the day-to-day cleaning—dishes, picking up the toy piles, doing the laundry (the MUSTS)—takes precedence. And the bigger jobs—the mopping, dusting, windex-ing—it all goes to the side. You eek it out, you do a big job every day or two, so little by little things are getting done. But the problem is they never ALL get done. And it sucks. Because you are cleaning ALL. THE. TIME. And still, your house is never clean! At least, never all the way clean. Sure the bathrooms are clean today, but the tile needs mopping. The ceiling fan got dusted (yay!) but the carpets need to be vacuumed. You can never get it all done at once. And if you can, shut up, I don’t want to hear about your over achiever status (except on Facebook). Because most of us can’t. 

And this, my friends, is where a cleaning lady comes in.  Once every few weeks the magic happens. And trust me, it’s not a breeze for me. Getting the whole house READY for the cleaning lady takes at least two days of preparation on my part. I pick up everything, and make sure every surface is clutter free. And then, I leave the house with the kids for a few hours. We usually splurge a little, go out to lunch; I get myself an extra large Diet Coke. I try to stay out until nap-time. And then, as if the magic cleaning elves have come, I come home, and my house is immaculate all at one time. And once every 3 weeks, I put my kids to bed and I put my feet up. I sip that Diet Coke, I watch a DVR’d episode of Grey’s Anatomy and I BASK in the fact that there is NOTHING that needs to be done at that exact moment. No thoughts of, “I should really dust” or “how long has it been since I scrubbed that toilet?” Ahhh. It is the ultimate luxury, and to me, it’s worth any sacrifice. Which is exactly why, although my husband doesn’t see cleaning lady as a budget-worthy category, I make it happen. I skim off the grocery budget, I tutor a few hours a week, whatever it takes. I know it’s a luxury but once I experienced it I realized it was something I owed to myself. If only I could convince my husband that he owes it to me too. 

Brotherly Love

Written by BROOKE

My husband and I are both close to our siblings. Not like crazy, talk on the phone ten times a day close, but close as in we can stay in a house for a week with our siblings, not kill each other and have a really good time. I think we’re really lucky that we both like each other’s families. I love it and I feel happy that my kids will know their cousins well because we all get along and enjoy spending time together. 

But it wasn’t always that way in my family. My siblings and I didn’t always get along. We fought. A lot. And violently. (Kid violently, not like sociopath violently). At least my brother closest in age and I did, and I’m pretty sure the others did too. I was 7 and 11 years older than the other two, so we didn’t fight quite as much. But I can’t say we liked each other. Sure, I have memories of us having fun together and doing fun things. But I have a lot of memories of us screaming and hitting. And then I left for college. And when we weren’t all under the same roof things started to change. We got along a lot better. And now that three of the four of us are married with kids I’d say we’re even closer. We now have more in common. 

But I don’t want my kids to be adults before they like each other.  How do I make them like each other now? I’d say at 2 and 4 they are about 60/40 as in 60% of the time they are fighting and 40% of the time they are getting along fabulously. I blame the 4 year old mostly because he’s crazy possessive of things right now and can’t learn how to share. But the 2 year old isn’t blameless. I mean, he has learned how to push his brother’s buttons. You should see the devilish look on his face when he grabs one of Zach’s cars and runs out of the room with it. 

I keep telling Zach, “this is your BROTHER; he should be your best friend!” But his response is always, “he is NOT my best friend, WILL is my best friend.” I don’t know how to teach them to love each other. I know that fighting is inevitable; I mean I don’t think there are siblings on the planet that never fought. But I look at kids who were best friends with their siblings even in high school and I envy that. I want that for my kids. I’m just not sure how to get us there (and I have a feeling yelling “LOVE YOUR BROTHER” might not be working). 

But there are those moments… like last night when they took forever to go to sleep because they were giggling and being silly in their room. Or when I come get them at the gym and they are laying on the ground together coloring as if they really are best friends. Those are the moments when I think I might have a chance. 

Brothers AND best friends? We’re working on it…